Copyright 2005 The News and Observer
The News & Observer (
Final Edition
SECTION: EDITORIAL/OPINION;
Pg. A13
LENGTH: 645 words
HEADLINE: Oh death, where is
thy simplicity?
BYLINE: Rick Martinez,
Correspondent
BODY:
Then Terri
Schiavo came along. Her plight has taught me a
profound lesson: Dying isn't a solitary act.
The
decision not to be kept alive in a persistent vegetative state carries with it
a certain amount of nobility -- not wanting to be a burden to society, family
and all that. I've bought into that line of thinking for years. I've claimed my
fair share of false public dignity about my so called right-to-die. But at the
same time I've privately acknowledged that should I end up in a hospice unable to
produce brain waves, when my wife pulls the plug is a non-issue, because I
won't be able to tell the difference anyway. So what's the big deal?
The heroic
efforts of Terri Schiavo's parents and siblings to
keep her alive have made me understand that how my life ends may be a bigger
deal to my family than I want to recognize. It's been easy for me to declare
that life artificially supported isn't worth living. But after observing how
important and meaningful Terri's life, regardless of her condition, has become
to her parents, brother and sister, I'm no longer so sure.
While
Michael Schiavo, Terri's husband and legal guardian,
has proved to the courts that his wife didn't want to be kept alive in her
present condition, I no longer think her wish is now the most relevant issue.
The more significant question is whethe
I don't
think she would, because I don't believe any caring person could. Sadly, what
Terri would or wouldn't think about all this will be moot soon. She 'll be gone. But it's a
question my wife and I are rethinking, and hard.
We're
committed to carrying out each other's end-of-life decisions and have the legal
mechanisms in place. We've told our family how we want things to play out. But
I'm not proud to admit that I've used the legal requirements as a shield to
avoid confronting the awful questions Terri's case has thrust upon us.
I haven't
thought about what I would want to happen if there's a conflict over my medical
condition. I haven't considered whether my parents should be denied the
opportunity to order additional tests or therapy. I've avoided deciding whether
the wishes of some in my family should take precedence over others.
Selfishly,
I've left all that for my wife to sort out. I figured I was doing all the heavy
lifting by dying. But in reality, I was was counting
on death as an easy way out.
I deluded
myself into thinking my responsibilities were fulfilled by communicating my
final wishes to family members. But, frankly, I have serious doubts that
they're clearly understood. Because of Terri Schaivo's
plight, instead of gathering up my tribe and simply repeating the dictates of
my will, I 'm going to ask them questions, listen to their thoughts, and
perhaps rethink some of my decisions.
My wife
and I are already beginning to discuss how to handle conflicts. Most of our
decisions won't be up for negotiation, but the Schiavo
case has opened our eyes to the importance of explaining to family members just
what our wishes mean. They need to know that if there is a question about our
condition, the remaining spouse will err on the side of life. We must make it
clear that we don 't consider a feeding tube an
extraordinary measure to sustain life. We're going to say that if and when the
day comes that we're forced to deal with end-of-life issues,
their concerns will not be ignored.
While many
have complained about the public spectacle and politics generated by Schiavo case, I am not among them. I've become grateful for
the valuable life lessons it's taught about dying.
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